Between Friends Transcript (Novelization)
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[TEASER]
[Narrator: “Previously-- on ‘Young Hercules’.”
Strife: “I’m Strife. I’m bad.” Ares: “Destroy a mortal son of Zeus.” Strife: “You mean Hercules.” H: “What’s your name?” Strife-as-NG: “Ny-- Nysus Gaius.” Strife-as-NG: “He used to tell me about this place-- near the academy? In a cave-- up on the mountain.” H: “What cave?” Strife-as-NG’s Voice: “They've got a chalice there-- made by Zeus himself.” Ares’ Voice: “Is my dear brother hooked?” Strife’s Voice: “Like a little fish, Uncle-- waiting for Hera to fry.”
Narrator: “Now, on ‘Young Hercules’.”]
Custodian: [Screams]
I: “Ooh! [Yells]
I: “A little help here!”
Ja: “Look before you leap, Iolaus.”
Ja: “You’re welcome!”
I: “I was gonna say thanks!”
Ja: “Let’s break his fall.”
I: “Go!”
I: “OK. Uh-- this way.”
Ja: “Uh, no, it’s this way!”
I: “No, it’s this way!”
Ja: “It’s this way!”
I: “I”m telling you; it’s this way!”
H: “Over here!”
I and Ja: “That way.”
Ja: “I told you it was that way.”
I: [Incomprehensible-- “Look out.”]
H: “Perfect.”
[ACT I]
Cheiron: “These’ll take the stiffness out of that shoulder. You were lucky, Hercules. But the warrior that depends on luck is a fool.”
H: “I understand that this won’t change anything, but-- the last thing that I want to do is bring harm to this academy.”
Cheiron: “Selfish desires often mask themselves as good intentions.”
H: “Uh-- I thought I knew what I was getting into. Now, I’m not so sure.”
Strife [Dressed as NG]: “Your little bro is tougher than I thought. He’s one bad dude. Takes after his daddy. Chip off the old Zeus. You know-- ”
Ares [Interrupting]: “Don’t speak. Don’t-- don’t speak. We’ll soften him up where’s he’s weakest-- his pathetic mortal feelings.”
Strife [Dressed as NG]: [Makes growling sound]
I: “You know-- ”
Fiducius [Fid]: “You are the only one.”
I: “I was gonna pay.”
Fid: “Get the money by the end of the week, or you’re out of here.”
I: “Uh, fine! Fine.”
Ja: “What’d Fiducius want?”
I: “What’s a dinar-counter like him always want? The academy fees.”
Ja: “Iolaus-- if you’re a little short-- ”
I: “Ah, nah, nah. I’ve-- I got it covered. So, are we gonna practice, or what?”
Strife-as-NG: “Practice what? Oh.”
I: “OK. [Chuckles] Now remember-- what old four-legs says: ‘Balance-- ’
Strife-as-NG: “Ah! Ooh.”
I: “I’m sorry-- ‘-- is the key.’ Don’t think about where you’re stepping. Just feel the pole. It’s nothing. I’ve seen Herc do it blindfolded.”
Strife-as-NG: “Oh, really? Everybody’s sayin’ he’s always showing off! I’ll betcha that’s why he got you involved in that bird thing! Stealing Hera’s chalice-- ”
I: “Hera? Ah!”
Strife-as-NG: “Gotcha! Score one for Nysus! I can’t believe-- Hercules didn’t tell you the chalice belonged to Hera. She can be so nasty.”
Ja: “I guess he forgot to mention it.”
I: “Yeah, right-- like Hera could just slip anyone’s mind.”
Strife-as-NG: “Think fast! Uh-- nice move, Iolaus.”
I: “Yeah.”
Strife-as-NG: “Didn’t see that one comin’.”
I: “Ah, you were doin’ OK-- for a second.”
H: “Hey, Iolaus-- finally find someone who hasn’t seen all your, uh-- special moves, huh? Iolaus? What’s your problem?”
I: “Me? W-- well I-- I don’t have a problem. I’m not the one keeping secrets from my friends.”
H: “What’re ya talkin’ about?”
Ja: “He means, ‘Why didn’t you tell us the chalice in the cave belonged to Hera?’”
H: “I didn’t think she’d miss some stupid old cup, OK? That’s why.”
I: “Well-- maybe we’d have tried to stop you, maybe not-- but you should ‘a told us.”
H: “You’re right. I’m sorry.”
Cheiron’s Voice: “Pair drills!”
Cheiron: “Pick a partner. Warriors must learn to fight back-to-back-- depend on your comrade as he depends on you.”
H: “Listen, let’s talk about this later, OK? Partners?”
I: “Well, I’m not sure I can trust you.”
Voices: “That guy from-- ” “What a rules freak.”
Kora: “Kitchen’s closing. Anything else?”
I: “Uh-- how about a-- slow walk in the moonlight-- you-- me-- the stars?”
Kora: “Alone, Iolaus-- with you?”
I: “Uh, uh-- sure.”
Kora: “OK. Sneak into the academy barn-- crawl into the hayloft. Close your eyes-- and dream on.”
I: “I don’t get it! What is her problem?”
Ja: “She has good taste.”
I: “Uh-- so, what’s my share?”
Ja: “Ah, don’t worry about it. I got it.”
I: “Ah, thank you, Jason. I owe you one. Huh?”
Strife-as-NG: “Nice guy.”
I: “Mmm.”
Strife-as-NG: “I betcha he had everything he could want-- big-time money-- family. He can’t know what it’s like to struggle to get by like-- well, like you and me.”
Kora: “And there-- that’s alone-- ”
Strife-as-NG: “And a-- girl like Kora-- is only impressed by one thing-- money. Check how she looks at Jason.”
I: “Ah-- they’re just talkin’.”
Strife-as-NG: “I may be outta line here, but, uh-- if you were a girl-- who would you go with-- the future king of Corinth-- or-- a guy like you? See ya back at the academy.”
I: “Mmm.”
Ja: “Where’s the old Iolaus smile, huh?”
I: “Why would you care?”
Ja: “What’s that supposed to mean?”
I: “All my life, I’ve had to fight for everything-- you know? And you-- you’ve-- just had it handed to you.”
Ja: “What’s your problem? You think I’ve had it easy?”
I: “No, no-- I bet attending those royal banquets is-- really tough. Ah, great! My money pouch is gone!”
Ja: “Maybe I’ll see you back at the academy.”
Strife: “Hmm.”
Kora: “Leonidas! That better not be my new Thessalian platters.”
Leonidas [Leo]: “Sorry.”
Kora: “Oh-- how hard can it be to carry dishes?”
I: “Hmm-- you’re not much-- but you’re all I got.”
[ACT II]
Fid: “Well, Iolaus-- I didn’t expect to see you today. What’s your excuse this time?”
I: “Uh, there’s no excuse. I’ve come to pay my academy fees.”
Ja’s Voice [?]: “What’d he say?”
Tarsus [Tar]: “Cheiron!”
Cheiron: “Constable Tarsus.”
Tar: “This-- is official business, Cheiron. Two of your cadets were seen leaving Kora’s inn last night-- about the time it was robbed.”
Cheiron: “We have nothing to hide. Truth is our greatest weapon.”
Ja: “Iolaus and I were the last ones to leave the inn. I’m Jason of Corinth.”
Tar: “The young prince-- I-I’ve heard about you. Well then-- if you and your friend left the inn together-- then someone else must be the thief.”
I’s Voice: “Uh-- ”
I: “W-w-well-- I went back to the inn, to get my money pouch. I, uh-- I dropped it at our table.”
Tar: “And helped yourself to some coins to put in it!”
I: “Oh-- no, no-- I saw the money on the counter-- but I didn’t take it. I don’t have any money.”
Fid: “You had enough to pay your fees.”
I: “I borrowed that money from Nysus.”
Strife-as-NG: “Wh-wh-- from me? I-- Iolaus-- you know I don’t have that kind of money.”
I: “Nysus, come on-- this is no time to joke around. I’m on probation here! They’ll bury me!”
Strife-as-NG: “I’d love to help you out, but-- I don’t know what to say.”
Tar: “There’s one way to find out who’s telling the truth. Search their rooms!”
Tar: “Is this your pouch?!”
I: “Well, yeah, it’s mine-- but it was empty when I put it in there.”
Tar: “Take him away!”
I: “What? Chei-Cheiron!”
Cheiron: “Be patient. Let justice run its course.”
I: “Look-- Hercules!”
H: “Iolaus!”
Cheiron: “Wait.”
H: “Cheiron-- listen, I’ve known Iolaus my whole life. He’s a lot of things, but a liar he’s not.”
Cheiron: “Then both of you must work to find the truth.”
Strife-as-NG: [Giggles]
Man’s Voice: “Lights out, cadets!”
Ja’s Voice: “Shh-- quiet, Hercules. You’ll wake everybody up. Did you put the money back?”
H: “Yeah. Thanks for the loan, Jason. I hid it at Kora’s and when she finds it, she’ll just think that she misplaced it.”
Ja: “Right, right-- they can’t convict Iolaus if no money’s missing.”
H: “Yeah.”
Strife [Dressed as NG]: “Too, too clever. He’s got a mind like his dear old dad. He wouldn’t hide it in an obvious place-- oh, no! All right, ya little half-god-- where didja [sic] hide it? I’m losing my patience!”
H: “The money’s not here, Nysus.”
Strife-as-NG: “Ohhh.”
H: “Why’d you frame Iolaus? Why did you send me to the Phoenix Cave to get the chalice?! Jason’ll be here any minute with the constable, so you better confess now!”
Strife-as-NG: “Confess? [Laughing] Boring! Life should have a little-- mystery, don’t you think? Uh-uh-uh-- don’t touch.”
H: “Who are you? You’re a god, aren’t you?”
Strife [Dressed as NG]: “Ah, well-- that’s the story of my life-- aah-- nobody knows me. But Zeus’s big bouncing baby boy is gonna put me in the big leagues. I destroy Hercules-- and everybody’ll know the name of-- ”
Strife [Morphing into usual appearance: “Strife!”
[Fight]
Strife: “Oh, you’re gettin’ higher-- OK. How’s the weather up there?! OKay-ay. Whoo-hoo! Oh, extreme. How ‘bout we set a few ground rules? First one to touch the ground-- loses. Can’t say I’m not fair.” [Laughs]
I: “Come on! That all you got?! Ya fight worse than you dress. If you wanna be a real god, you have to do better than that.”
Strife: “Hee-hee! Whoo!”
Ja: “Tarsus!”
H: “Strife? Uh! Ow!”
Strife: “That’s too bad, Hercules. You know, you really shouldn’t mess with _real_ gods. [Sing-songy] Somebody might get hur-urt.”
I: “Hercules! Relative of yours?”
H: “Yeah-- I think so. Listen, um-- I’m sorry about getting you guys in-- ta all this mess.”
I: “Mess? What mess?”
Ja: “We don’t mind being chased by giant birds. We just wanna know why.”
H: “OK. It’s a deal.”
Kora: “What’s going on?! Hey! Who’s gonna pay for this?!”
Ja: “Well-- _we_ didn’t make the mess.”
I: “But-- if ya need a hand-- ”
Ja: “-- I’d be happy to help ya.”
I: “Oh-- well, I can probably do it, Jas. It’s OK. I don’t mind.”
Ja [Interrupting: “I-- I just offered.”
I: “Yeah-- I know. I know, but-- you know, you probably got things to do.”
Ja: “No, I don’t. I offered first.”
I: “No, really, I don’t mind.”
Ja: “I could probably help carry the heavy things. I offered first.”
I: “Oh, really?”
Ja: “Did you hear me?”
Ja: “Think about it, Hercules. You thumped a god.”
H: “Ah-- it wasn’t a very big god.”
Ja: “I bet all of Olympus knows about it by morning.”
H: “You think so?”
Ja: “Yeah-- guarantee it. So what are you gonna do with Hera’s chalice?”
H: “Zeus and Hera’s chalice.”
Ja: “OK-- Zeus and Hera’s chalice.”
H [Sighs]: “I’m takin’ it to my dad.”
